What Horses Can Teach Us About Conflict: From Eristic Escalation to Dialectic Communication

Conflict is everywhere. In our homes, workplaces, politics, and even in the quiet corners of our own hearts, most of us are aware of how quickly a disagreement can spiral out of control. One sharp word leads to another, and before long, the original issue is buried beneath layers of blame, defensiveness, and hurt. Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as the escalation trap: when negative exchanges intensify, regardless of the original cause (Pruitt & Kim, 2004).

This dynamic has an ancient formulation known as the Law of Eristic Escalation. It states that “in any conflict, once it begins, there is a natural tendency for escalation to increase, regardless of the original cause.” In other words, conflict generates its own momentum. The law also contains a critical clause: when order, authority, or force is used to suppress escalation, it does not disappear. Although it may be delayed, the opposing energy eventually returns, often with greater intensity.

You have experienced it. I have experienced it. And in many ways, the United States itself was born inside this container. Our nation’s founding in revolution and rebellion embedded escalation into its cultural DNA. That helps explain why polarization and entrenched conflict feel so woven into our present moment. But what if conflict did not have to destroy connection? What if it could become the very tension that births deeper understanding, healing, and growth?

This is where dialectic communication and horses come in.

Eristic Escalation: Fighting to Win

At its core, eristic escalation is about winning at all costs.

In relationships, it sounds like: “I have to be right, and you have to be wrong.”In society, it looks like entrenched polarization, each side pushing harder, escalating stronger.

Social psychologists call this reactive devaluation, the tendency to dismiss ideas simply because they come from “the other side” (Ross & Stillinger, 1991). The more one side exerts pressure, the more the other resists. Eventually, the cycle consumes both.

When we step into the arena with this energy, horses reflect it instantly.

• We apply pressure

• They resist

• We escalate with stronger cues

• They escalate with more resistance or shut down

  
  

The arena becomes a mirror of human conflict: forcing only creates more force.

The Hidden Cost of Pressure in Horses

There is another layer here that horsepeople know well. When you add pressure to a horse without a timely release, the tension does not simply disappear; it becomes internalized within the horse.

On the surface, this can appear to be obedience, as the horse complies, lowers its head, or stops resisting. But inside, the unrelieved pressure builds. Over time, this can lead to what researchers have labeled learned helplessness (Seligman, 1972). The horse gives up resisting not because it has found peace, but because it has lost hope that relief will come.

This mirrors what happens in human systems when escalation is suppressed with order or force. The conflict may look quiet, but the law of eristic escalation tells us it is only temporary. The pressure will eventually explode, often in ways that seem sudden or disproportionate. In horses, this might appear as a bolt, buck, or unpredictable outburst “out of nowhere.” In human societies, it often manifests as protests, revolutions, or breakdowns in institutions.

The lesson is clear: escalation never disappears by being buried. Without proper resolution, it remains alive beneath the surface.

Dialectic Communication: Tension as a Teacher

Dialectic communication is a radically different approach. The word “dialectic” means dialogue that allows opposing forces to create something new. Philosopher Hegel described it as the movement from thesis (an initial stance), to antithesis (the opposing force), to synthesis (a resolution that transcends and includes both).

With horses, the process looks like this:

• You bring your intention, perhaps inviting the horse to walk with you.

• The horse resists, showing you their antithesis.

• Instead of escalating, you pause. You breathe. You align your energy.

• The horse feels the shift, and something new emerges.

  
  

The result is not compliance. It is a partnership. The horse joins you not from fear of pressure but from congruence. This is dialectic in motion. The tension does not destroy, it births transformation.

Horses as Mirrors of Conflict

What makes horses extraordinary teachers is how they resolve conflict in the herd. Pinned ears, a kick, or a chase might escalate briefly, but it is resolved quickly. Balance is restored, and the herd returns to grazing. Ethologists call this conflict resolution behavior essential for preserving social cohesion in prey animals who depend on one another for survival (McDonnell, 2003).

Humans, by contrast, tend to stay stuck. We replay arguments endlessly, cling to being “right,” and escalate cycles of polarization that can last years or even generations.

Horses show us another way:

• Conflict does not have to destroy.

• Tension can be a teacher.

• True resolution is found not in control, but in congruence.

Arena Exercise: From Escalation to Dialogue

To truly understand this, it helps to feel it in your body. Here is an exercise you can try with a horse.

𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Step into the arena with a clear goal. Perhaps you want the horse to walk with you at liberty or yield their hindquarters. This is your thesis.

Notice the Resistance: Allow the horse to respond naturally. If they resist, ignore, or push back, do not intervene yet. This is their antithesis.

𝗘𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆: Try increasing your pressure, pulling on the rope, clucking louder, stepping in closer. Notice how the horse responds. Do they resist harder, tense up, or comply but look shut down? Pay attention to how you feel. This is eristic escalation in action.

𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗗𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘂𝗲: Now pause. Take a deep breath. Drop your shoulders. Release any need to win. Align your energy with your intention rather than your frustration. Try again, softer but more congruent.

𝗢𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲: Watch how the horse responds differently. Often, they will soften, move with you, or offer connection without force. This is the synthesis, a new harmony born out of tension.

𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁: Ask yourself:

• Where in my life do I escalate instead of soften?

• How does pressure build up in me, or in others, when I do not release it?

• What would it look like to turn tension into dialogue in my relationships?

  
  

This exercise offers a lived experience of both escalation and resolution. It illustrates how easily pressure can spiral into resistance, and how quickly presence can restore connection.

The Lesson for Us Today

If America was founded in escalation, perhaps horses are here to help us evolve beyond it. The law of eristic escalation will continue to play out in our politics, our culture, and our lives. But we are not doomed to repeat it unconsciously. Every time you step into the arena, you face the same choice: escalate into a power struggle or enter into dialectic dialogue.

The horse will always tell you the truth. Push without relief, and you may get surface compliance but deep disconnection. Breathe, listen, and respond with congruence, and you will discover a new way forward.

When we choose dialectic over eristic escalation, we practice the skill the world most needs: the ability to transform conflict into connection, and tension into growth.

Closing Reflection

Next time you find yourself in conflict, with your horse, your partner, or even your community, pause and ask:

• Am I escalating to win?

• Or am I listening for the new truth that wants to emerge through this tension?

Horses remind us that conflict is not the enemy. It is the crucible of transformation. And when we choose dialectic communication over eristic escalation, we discover that harmony is not found in avoiding tension, but in using it to evolve.

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Thank you for taking the time to read this post! 𝗜'𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀, 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀. F

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Supporting Research

McDonnell, S. (2003). The Equid Ethogram: A Practical Field Guide to Horse Behavior.

This book is a foundational guide to horse behavior, cataloging natural equine actions and social interactions. It shows how horses use conflict and resolution behaviors within the herd to maintain balance, making it a strong reference for understanding horses as mirrors of human tension and escalation.

Pruitt, D. G., & Kim, S. H. (2004). Social Conflict: Escalation, Stalemate, and Settlement.

This work explains the psychological and social processes that cause conflicts to escalate, stall, and eventually resolve. It directly supports the discussion of the Law of Eristic Escalation by showing how conflict gains momentum beyond the original issue and what conditions allow resolution.

Ross, L., & Stillinger, C. (1991). “Barriers to Conflict Resolution.” Negotiation Journal, 7(4), 389–404.

This article outlines why many disputes remain unresolved, highlighting psychological biases like reactive devaluation. It explains why people instinctively reject the other side’s position and how this drives polarization, linking clearly to eristic escalation in both society and horse-human interactions.

Seligman, M. E. P. (1972). “Learned Helplessness.” Annual Review of Medicine, 23(1), 407–412.

Seligman’s theory shows how organisms stop resisting after repeated exposure to inescapable stress. Applied to horses, it explains why constant pressure without release can make a horse appear compliant while internally carrying unresolved tension, which may later erupt as explosive behavior.